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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26462041">Push Me Away and i'll Pull You Closer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eury/pseuds/Eury'>Eury</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Babiis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>#PMAPYC, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:55:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,698</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26462041</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eury/pseuds/Eury</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Prologue</h1>
<p> </p>
<p>     Gun finds himself staring at the mirror, thinking if he needs to go to their High School Reunion. He loosens his necktie and sighs. He keeps thinking about how to face his first love, his ex, his boyfriend for almost six years. He thinks he’s okay until he finds out that his ex is still with the girl who broke them apart.</p>
<p>     Half an hour has passed, and he keeps thinking about how he should react when he meets his ex. For the first time in his life, he admits that he is regretting every decision that he made when he was 20 years old.</p>
<p>     Gun’s phone rings and it brings him back to reality.</p>
<p>     “Dude, where are you? We are all here at the venue,” his friend Mike asks him.</p>
<p>     “I’m on my way. I will see you in ten minutes.” He immediately drops the call before Mike nags him on why he’s taking too long to get to the venue. One last look in the mirror and he tightens his necktie. He checks his stoic face and waits for more minutes to pass because honestly, he’s already near the venue.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <strong>At the venue.</strong>
</p>
<p>     “Oab! Here!” Mike shouts when he sees his friend.</p>
<p>     “How are you, dude?” Oab casually talks to him even though they didn’t communicate for years.</p>
<p>     “I’m fine. So, who is this lovely lady that you bring here?” As Mike smiles at the lady, he keeps on wondering what the hell happened between his friends and how Oab ends up dating a girl who seems familiar.</p>
<p>     “This is Alrissa, dude, my girlfriend.” Oab widely smiles as he introduces his girlfriend.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p><em>     Alrissa, my girlfriend</em> are the first thing Gun hears when he arrives at the venue. His chest keeps pounding, and it aches so much to the point that he can’t breathe properly. He knows he shouldn’t have gone to this reunion. He know that he is still affected by that guy. He knows he would cry again. But he chooses to go because he promises himself that he would move on and let go of everything that he and Oab shared.</p>
<p>     “Gun! Here!” Mike calls Gun when he notices him staring blankly at them.</p>
<p>     Gun suddenly goes back to reality when Mike calls him. Even though his knees are shaking, he manages to smile as he walks to the table.</p>
<p>     “Hi.” Oab approaches him first as he always does.</p>
<p>     Oab sees Gun’s face for the first time in the last five years. He memorizes that stoic face, but for the first time, he doesn’t know what’s behind his expression. He thinks he always knew Gun, but for a moment, he’s confused.</p>
<p>     “Hello.” Gun replies then silence.</p>
<p>     There is an awkward silence after that hi and hello exchanged.</p>
<p>     “You came,” Oab says.</p>
<p>     “You came too.” Gun smiles at Oab, but he can’t stand the awkwardness that is filling them, so he turns at the lady beside Oab and says, “Hi Alrissa.”</p>
<p>     “Hi, Gun. Nice seeing you again. You look good.”</p>
<p>     As Gun hears the lady speaks, his hands are shaking. His heart wants to explode. He knows that it’s not his right anymore to ask why Oab’s dating the girl who broke them apart five years ago, but all he can do now is to accept that the fucking closure he always wants is now gone. “You look great, too. Always.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>     Beep. </em>
</p>
<p>     Offjumpol immediately checks Atthaphan’s IG update.</p>
<p>     “He’s drinking again. Why would he always drink? Poor liver,” he says, talking to himself while viewing the man who is now drinking alone for five days in a row at some club. “I guess, another long night,” he says to himself, checking the time on his watch as he stands up, grabs his coat, and immediately goes to the club where gun is drinking.</p>
<p>     Offjumpol’s phone rings while he’s driving. As soon as he accepts the call, he hears loud music and noises in the background.</p>
<p>     “OFF JUMPOL ADULKITTIPORN!” Tawan shouts as his best friend answers his call.</p>
<p>     “WHAT THE FUCK, Dude, it’s so loud in there. Go to some quiet place before calling me. I have somewhere to go to.”</p>
<p>     Offjumpol’s about to drop the call, but his friend stops him.</p>
<p>     “Don’t fucking tell me you’re going to the club again to fetch that man of yours?” Tawan can’t believe his friend's actions when it comes to that man.</p>
<p>     “It’s none of your business, dude,” Off replies. He’s tired explaining to his friends that he’s in love with that someone he’s about to fetch.</p>
<p>     “It’s not you. You hate fucking clubs or bar or whatever noisy pla—”</p>
<p>     Off drops the call and all Tawan can do is sigh and get back inside the club. He slips his phone to his pocket. His boyfriend and friend might be wondering where the hell is he.</p>
<p>     Going to the club makes Off jumpol mad because of the smoke and loud noises. But he’s been to the club for five days, fetching a drunk man and dropping him at the hotel so that the man can sleep nicely. Off leaves food and medicine for when the man wakes up with a hangover and an empty stomach. Tawan knows why Off keeps doing those stuff. It’s because Off loves the man so much that even with the things he hates the most, like clubs and loud noises, he will ignore. He sacrifices himself just for Gun Atthaphan.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>     Off arrives at the club and immediately looks for the short man.</p>
<p>     “Sir, the man you always fetch is sleeping on the couch,” says the bodyguard who is now familiar with him, probably because he’s been at the club for the last five nights.</p>
<p>      Looking at the short man at the couch makes him sigh. As he walks near, he’s feeling the same feeling he gets whenever he’s near him—a racing heart and accelerated breathing. Gun Atthaphan is the only person that makes him feel this.</p>
<p>     “Hey, Gun, let’s go.” He’s smiling to the drunk man. He holds him carefully.</p>
<p>     “Hey, it’s you again.” The short man smiles and passes out.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the slow updates. I have a lot of things to finish first before writing. Please bear with me. Happy reading :) Expect for the grammatical errors. I will improve more.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>Chapter 1</h1>
<p> </p>
<h1>Two weeks before the reunion</h1>
<p> </p>
<p>                <em>"Let’s break up Oab,” gun says to the man who’s sitting beside him.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>                “Will you be happy if I agree?” Oab responds to him calmly as if he knew that this is going to happen. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>                Oab is looking at the man’s eyes only to see the man’s determination to end their relationship. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>                “Maybe? I mean, we should end this relationship before when Arissa came into your life, right? If I shouldn’t force you to stay with me, you will be Alrissa’s boyfriend right now. So, I’m giving you this chance to fix it.” Gun smile to stop his tears from flowing, his heart is massive, and he can’t feel anything. He can’t even look to Oab’s eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>                “Okay, let’s end this relationship as you want. As long as you’re happy.” Oab replies and leaves their condo. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Gun wake’s up with the tears in his eyes because of his dream again. When he heard the news of their upcoming reunion, the memories of him and Oab is all he’s thinking about. He managed to avoid everything that keeps him remembering his ex, so he knew that he will overcome this phase again. </p>
<p>                Gun got up and sorted his bed before taking a bath. He needs to focus, and to that, he needs to do everything that makes him forget Oab and the upcoming reunion. He’s thinking about the things that he always does before when he badly wants to forget Oab. Today is his day off, the perfect timing to have some fun and forget his ex.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>                Gun finds himself at the library, he loves the smell of the books, and it is also the perfect place to clear his mind. The library has a pleasing ambiance; besides, it’s near a café, so he smells coffee while in the library. The smell of books and coffee is perfect for him.</p>
<p>                Gun’s been stressing out, and the thought that Oab and he would see each other again for the past five years is not helping. When he thought that he’s thinking about his ex again, he shakes his head and continues reading the same page that his reading for about an hour. He can’t focus, and he knew that. His head is aching not because of the books he reads, but because of the memories he’s trying to forget. He closes his book and profoundly sighs.</p>
<p>                Gun grabs his phone and opens his social media, he has barely free time, and he used that for clubbing and hanging out with his colleague. It’s been a while since he posted some updates. He opens his twitter and notices another message from the same person for the past years? he guesses. The person keeps asking him about his life; he knew the person since then because it’s the only one who keeps messaging him. He just read the message of that person and didn’t think about replying. He never thought that someone would be consistent. He doesn’t usually reply because, first, He doesn’t talk to strangers, and lastly, he’s not friendly enough to keep the conversation going, so he thought to ignore every message. Still, the thought of this man is unbelievable. And for the first time, he managed to reply.</p>
<p>Gun:</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m sorry, but why do you keep checking up on me. Who are you? </em>
</p>
<p>After gun replied with the man’s message,  He’s about to put his phone to his bag, but he received a notification from twitter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Off jumpol:</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Wow. You replied, I never thought of you replying to any of my messages because I always see the blue check. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Gun atthaphan:</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>What are you up to? If you think you can hit on me, you’re in a wrong man. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Off jumpol: </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I like you. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Gun atthaphan</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>For the person who’s been ignored for years, you still have the guts to tell me you like me? You are supposed to give up by now. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Off jumpol</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Is it necessary to tell the person who’s admiring you for giving up their feelings for you? </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Gun atthaphan</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yes, it is. You waste a lot of time by liking me. And for the record, haven’t you heard the news? That I’m good at pushing people away? You haven’t, right? Cause If you do, you’re not telling me you like me by now. And I don’t have any time to entertain people. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Off jumpol</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’ve already heard about that. For the record, too, I’m good at pulling people who keep pushing me away. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Gun atthaphan</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You will give up soon. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Off jumpol</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Try me.</em>
</p>
<p>Gun sighs as he received the man’s last reply. He decides to end the conversation by not replying to the man’s response. He’s having a hard time already thinking about Oab, and then there’s this man who wants to enter his life for God’s know why.</p>
<p>                Gun felt a twinge in his head, and he wants to take a nap. Good thing that it’s okay to sleep in the library. The rain suddenly pours, and that made him want to sleep more. He put his earphone on his ears, and he opens his phone to click the meditopia app for him to sleep. The application helps him fall asleep. Hearing it makes him calm, he closed his eyes, trying to clearing the thoughts of his minds by letting the sounds filled in and rest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                Gun wakes up with the pillow that he knew it wouldn't there. It is a cloud pillow having a pastel color. He has no idea why he has a cushion. It’s so soft; aside from it, he also notices that there’s also a note. He picks it up and read,</p>
<p>                <em>Use it often if you used to sleep in this kind of place so that you won’t hurt your nape.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>                                                                                                                                          - OJA </em>
</p>
<p><em>               OJA, </em>he read the notes and wonder who’s OJA is. It’s creeping him out, as much as he appreciates that OJA’s effort still, he’s uncomfortable with that. Maybe because it’s been a while since he experienced that kind of gesture, it made him think about Oab again. He sighs, He sleeps because of having a headache of his current situation, but he wakes up remembering it again.  </p>
<p>               Gun checks his watch to know that it’s 5 p.m., and he’s slept for almost 2 hours, his head is okay now. He looks at the window. The rain also stops now, leaving the wet street. He organized his things before leaving the library. He’s looking at the pillow, thinking if he leaves it or not. He ends up grabbing it and put it in his bag. The guard is opening the door for him. He smiles and says, thank you.</p>
<p>               Gun is about to cross the street, but he thought about going back to the library to ask the guard if he saw someone putting the pillow in his head while sleeping. He assumes that he will know the person behind this.</p>
<p>               “Hello sir, did you saw someone putting this pillow while I’m sleeping earlier? Gun asked while showing the pad to the guard.</p>
<p>                “Sorry, sir, there’s a lot of people coming in and out, and I didn’t notice who’s the person putting the pillow while you were sleeping.” Guard response.</p>
<p>                 “Oh, Thank you, sir, sorry to bother you,” gun replies disappointedly.</p>
<p>                 Turning his back and continue to cross the street. Gun decides to go home and continue to rest there. He hasn’t had enough energy to go to a club since his head is starting to ache again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                One week has passed, and Gun couldn’t think anymore, he doesn’t want to go to the reunion, but there’s also a part of him that he wants to go, for the closure, To know if Oab’s is okay, or if he had someone now. Every time he thinks about it, it gives him a headache. </p>
<p>                Gun is about to continue his work he need to do things for him not to keeps remembering his ex.His phone rings, mike, his highschool friend, call him. He’s hesitating if he will accept the call because, for sure, mike will keep bringing the reunion topic that he’s avoiding, but he still takes the call anyway.</p>
<p>                “<em>What now? </em>He coldly replied.</p>
<p><em>                “geez, too cold, it made me shiver.” </em>Mike teasing him, and he’s about to end the call, but mike says something that made him stop. It’s about Oab.</p>
<p><em>                “Oab confirmed that he’s coming with someone, some girl named Alrissa. The name of the girl quite familiar for me, did you somehow know the girl, Gun?” </em>Mike asks him full of curiosity, and with that, he ends the call right away.</p>
<p>                 The phone keeps ringing, Mike’s calling him again, maybe wondering why he ends the call not even answering his friend’s question, but he can’t even answer that; how he supposed to tell his friend that girl that he’s asking about is one of the reasons why the two of them broke up a long time ago. How he supposed to tell him that he’s hesitating if he will go to the reunion. His head starts to ache again, and this time, he also feels the emptiness of those years being alone, “Why emptiness be this heavy?” He whispers to himself.</p>
<p>                 Gun shut down his phone. He doesn’t want to answer his friend’s call. He can’t convince himself anymore that he’s going to be okay. He feels his tears flowing in his face, his feeling betray him again. For the first time in the past years, He let his emotion control him. He cries his heart out. Good thing that he's alone in the office. He didn’t need to hold back. Sitting on the couch, looking at the ceiling as his tears keep dropping. It’s too painful enough to catch him breath.</p>
<p>                 Gun let the time passed before he wipes his tears and fixes his coat, “I’m not going to let my emotions control me again, get yourself back together, gun. You’re supposed to move on by now. You’re supposed to be happy.” He whispers to himself and wipes his tears again, taking a deep sigh as he grabs his car keys and bag before leaving his office.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                “Jingjing, let’s take a selfie!” Gun shouted at his friend, and he clicks the camera. It’s been a while since he used his IG. He uploads their picture together to his IG story and slips his phone back to his pocket.</p>
<p>                 They're at the club, dancing and living their life out. It’s too noisy, so they keep shouting enable for them to hear each other. Gun thinks of the way on how he forgets Oab. By doing that means he needs to go to the club. He needs to drink and dance.</p>
<p>                 “Maybe you just missed the feeling! Almost six years of being together is not a joke, but you also managed to live for five years without him anyway! You should get a boyfriend too!” Jingjing, gun’s friend, said as she is advising his friend's situation.</p>
<p>                 Jingjing saw the eyes of her friend, it looks like he just finished crying. She knows about the thing between her friend and Oab. She thought that Gun is already moved on, but then she noticed how Gun’s behavior suddenly changed since he heard about their upcoming reunion, and she knows that it because of Oab. Oab will always be the reason.</p>
<p>                 They are dancing while drinking. Jingjing looks at her friend as the man responds to her advice. </p>
<p>                “Yeah, maybe I just missed the feeling, I think I need closure!” Gun shouted back to his friend.</p>
<p>                “I don’t think you need closure. It would be best if you accept that you and Oab are over. Come on, Gun, So what he ends up with that girl? Just be happy for them. You are the one who wants to end your relationship, right? Jingjing said with all honesty. As much as she hates to hurt him, She needs to tell the truth to enable her friend to move on.</p>
<p>                Gun suddenly stop from dancing and drinking. Jingjing is right. He’s the one who wants to end his relationship with Oab, and that made him feels the heavy feeling again. His tears are about to fall, but he wipes it immediately, concerning that his friend might be worry if she sees him crying. He whispers to his friend that he will go to their table for a while because he felt dizzy. The lady looks at him with the concern in her eyes, and then she agreed. She’s guiding him back to their table, making sure he’s okay before leaving him and starts dancing again in the crowd with her boyfriend.</p>
<p>                Gun used to own his feeling and not letting other people see how he feels. Thanks for the stoic face he has, he managed to hide all his misery because of that. He only tells his friend what they should know and let other people guess his doing. He keeps thinking about the advice of his friend, Jingjing. What if he just missed the feeling? Not Oab? What if he moved on from Oab but not the things that Oab made him feels? Like, being triggered by the thoughts of Oab having Alrissa? Gun shakes his head to stop it from thinking. He indeed feels dizzy by doing that, and looking at his drinks, he also noticed how much alcohol he drinks. He decides to go, but he needs to find his friend first. He stood up. He sees things keep moving, but he managed to walk to find his friend.</p>
<p>                Gun keeps walking all over the club to find his friend, but he’s unlucky because he can’t find Jingjing. He wants to go back to their table, assuming that Jingjing might come back and see him at their table, but he can’t see things correctly because things keep moving. He begins to amble. The lights are not helping. The last thing he knew, everything just went black.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                Gun wakes up with an unfamiliar place. He immediately looks around the area, only to find out that he’s half-naked. He cursed to himself, trying to remember what happened and how did he end up with this place. He notices the food besides the bed and the medicine along with the notes,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>                “Don’t worry. You puked last night, that is why you're half-naked. I don’t have extra shirts, so I just cover your body with the blanket. Eat your food, and take meds for your hangover.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>                As gun read the notes, he is still trying to remember what happened because he can’t just easily trust someone's notes saying not to worry because nothing happened but wakes up half’-naked. He can’t just eat the food. His phone suddenly rings, Jingjing is calling.</p>
<p>                Gun, where are you? I’m at my boyfriends' condo. I’m sorry for leaving you alone there last night,” Jingjing said as he accepts the call.</p>
<p>                “I'm at the hotel now--Jingjing stops him, “Why the hell are you in a hotel? You are not someone who can easily fuck too.” Jingjing asked him bluntly.</p>
<p>                “I don’t know too why the hell I’m at this place, I mean, If you didn’t leave me last night just to fuck with your boyfriend, I wouldn’t be here.” He coldly replied to his friend.</p>
<p>                “Look, Gun, I said I’m sorry okay? But are you sure you haven’t fuck someone?” Jingjing asked him with concern on her voice.</p>
<p>                “I don’t know, but I will find out. I will ask the staff here. I will call you later. Bye.”</p>
<p>                Gun ends the call and starts looking for his shirts, but he can’t find it. He only takes the med, and he stands up, grabbing his things and is about to leave the room half-naked when he sees his shirt hanging, looking clean. He put his shirt on. Now, Gun is very determined to know who’s the person behind on why he’s in a hotel. He will ask the staff at the reception. This time he will surely know.</p>
<p>               </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
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